CDs are the current media carrier, like tapes and records were in their day. It differs greatly from the other two, but like tapes and records, it’s easy to scratch. CDs rely on lasers to convey information. If you ruin the surface, much like if you ruin a record’s surface, it ruins the playback. To help you survive with this new technology, here’s a simple guide of what not to do with your CD.
1) Only touch the edges of the CD. If you touch the middle, you **** the surface and therefore ruin the playback, as I said. If there are smudges, moisten, not soak, a cotton ball with alcohol and gently wipe the surface of the disk. Let it air dry.
2) Don’t break it, obviously.
3) Don’t use it as a pizza cutter.
4) Don’t throw it into the garbage disposal (see 2)
5) Don’t put it in your pocket. (see 1)
6) Don’t scrub it with the scratchy end of a sponge. (see 1)
7) Don’t half-put the CD into the drive. This can a) scratch the disk, and b) break the disk. (see 1 and 2)
8) Don’t put it in the drive upside down. You will get no playback if you do this common mistake.
9) Don’t pour grease/candle wax over the CD and attempt to play the CD.
10) Don’t try to play the CD underwater. The computer/DVD player/stereo/et cetera will short circuit.
11) Do not draw a CD on cardboard, color it, and attempt to play it like the real copy. It won’t work.
12) Only label the top of the CD, preferably with a label or Sharpie marker. The top is the side that doesn’t have rainbow colors all over it.
13) Don’t write the CDs contents on the rainbow-side of the disk, even if the CD is empty. It won’t work (unfortunately)
14) It wouldn’t be a good idea to put a virus onto a CD, unless you plan to destroy whatever computer you put the disk into.
15) Don’t break it, then attempt to tape/glue the pieces together. (see 2)
16) Don’t play frisbee with it. Ever.
17) Don’t use it to play fetch with your dog. (see 16 and 1)
18) Don’t eat it. Not only is it bad for your digestion, but it horribly affects the playback of the CD. Even if you try to play it ten hours later, after it has significantly dried, the CD won’t even fit into the drive.
19) Don’t mash it up, and try to make cookies/brownies/et cetera with it. (see 18)
20) Don’t pass a magnet over the surface, even an inch from the surface. This will remove the information from the CD, and transfer it to the magnet, where you cannot play it back.
21) Don’t try to use it as a parachute. You will die, and break the CD.
22) Don’t use it as a knife. (see 1)
23) Don’t use it as a murder weapon. (see 22)
Now that you have these simple tips, you can break free from old-fashioned tapes, and buy your first CD!
(Note: Most of these tips have been written on a humorous base. They are all helpful to know, however, and all are examples of what not to do with a CD)